Needs vs. Wants

We recently moved 20 miles north to Lehi, Utah. During the process of this move, deciding where to move, what we could afford, what we were looking for in a new home, and finding a new domicile, we (or rather I) was constantly faced with our family's needs versus my wants. Because of the differences in our childhoods and family economics growing up, Brigham is much better able to distinguish needs from wants whereas I tend to think of many wants as needs. This has lead to no little contention in our marriage, mostly with me having to concede that I don't need something that I think I do. It was no different during this move.

I wanted a bigger, better place with a nice modern kitchen, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a yard. I found one area with several condos available that seemed to meet what we needed (it had no yard but said there was a park nearby and playground in the condo complex) but when we drove through the neighborhood, both Brigham and I knew it was not right for us. No matter how nice the condo might me inside, we hated the neighborhood. The park was dismal and the playground in the complex (if it could be called that) would require crossing a large busy parking lot. But it was the only 3 bedroom, 2 bath in our price range! (3 bedrooms is a need, not a want). So I increased our price range by $100 and found a townhouse that seemed perfect. A yard, large kitchen, near a park, with plenty of storage space. I was convinced this townhouse is what our family needed. Brigham, knowing how frustrated I was, agreed to drive up to the neighborhood just to check things out. We loved the neighborhood. We liked the park. While we were there Brigham noticed an apartment complex just across the street from the townhouse I had my heart set on. He also noticed the "For Rent" sign and asked me to find out more. I complied and found out it fitted our needs, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, laundry room in the apartment and the price was incredible. The complex was very green, with, in addition to huge park just across the street, 3 good playgrounds of its own in the interior of the complex. It was designed to be kid friendly, the parking was only around the exterior leaving green grass and pathways to connect the buildings (unlike the condos we had look at that separated each building with a parking lot). But I did not want to live in an apartment complex. We have two active kids who love the outdoors, they NEED a yard, right? We NEED a bigger place, right? The apartment was same square footage of pervious home, what we gained in another bed and bath, we lost in front room.

Brigham, ever patient with me, reminded me that while a $100 more a month may not seem that much, even the upper reaches of our price range would stretch us financially. I have a tendency to freak out about our finances every 2-3 months whether I need to or not and being pregnant only makes these freak out session more emotional and dramatic. Brigham was already stressed and anxious about study for the Bar exam. He knew that he could not work more than a few hours a week and as he got closer to the exam would stop working altogether. More than needing a new home, Brigham needed ME not be stressed financially. He also reminded me other needs and some wants we would forego if I got the townhouse I wanted: peace of mind, money needed to prepare for the new baby, our food budget would have to be cut, as well money to take the kids swimming, or movies, or other outings, and no money for babysitters or going on dates. I would have the home I wanted but nothing else. So we moved to the apartment complex. And I have to confess, I like the apartment. It may be the same size as our last home but it has much more usable space. The kids don't mind the lack of yard, the love the park and playgrounds, and having so many other kids around neighborhood. It is not what I wanted but it is what our family needs at this time.

A Mind of Her Own

It seems from the moment she was born, Anna was expressing her opinion and demanding to get her own way. She tells me frequently, "I do it" and if I don't let her do it herself a tantrum ensues. Compared to her, James is my easy going child. With the exception of his recent desire to wear nothing but pajamas, James has never cared what I dressed him. Anna started had an opinion of what she wanted to wear at a young age (before she was one) and is only getting more demanding.

Today, for example, when I was dressing Anna for church, I gave her the option of three dresses: a blue one, a yellow one, and a red one. She chose the blue one. After I buttoned it up she grabbed the yellow one (the one I thought she would chose since yellow is her favorite color) and started to put it one over the blue dress. I asked her if she wanted to take the blue dress off and wear the yellow. She said, "No!" I tried to take the yellow one off. She scream, so I buttoned up the yellow dress. She looked in the mirror and declared herself "Pretty." Who am I to gainsay a determined one and half year old who thinks wearing two dresses at the same time to be perfectly acceptable? Besides only a toddler can get away with wearing two dresses to church and still be considered cute, or as Anna frequently told me today, "I pretty."

This Old House

We rent an old house, it was probably built in the 30's or 40's. The fact that it is old is not a problem, per se. I lived in a house that was over a hundred years old when I lived in Cambridge. It was a beautiful house, very well maintained and updated when needed. The problem with this old house is that it has not been well maintained and not updated at all.

My landlord and his wife have own this house for 30+ years. They raised their family here until moving to larger more modern house a few miles away. The landlord views this house with intense nostalgia, thinks that its non modern amenities are a plus and is very cheap. Whenever something needs to be fix he does it as minimally and cheaply as possible and even when we forewarn him of problems he does nothing until he has to. For example, the roof. Last summer we noticed a crack in the ceiling of our bedroom that it had started to hang down a little near the wall. Brigham (who has worked construction and knew that the cracks location was under a problem he had noticed in the roof and eves) called the landlord and explained the problem. The landlord replaced the roof but only on that side of the house and did nothing to repair the gap between the roof and eves that was the cause of the problem in the first place. (Just so you know, the entire roof and the eves need to be replaced, there are multiple places with gaps).

Another example, is the front door. Almost from the time we moved in (we have been here three and half years) we had told them the front door was cracked and very drafty. They did nothing. The day after Christmas, I noticed that the front room was freezing. I thought nothing of it as I was trying to get the kids fed and in the car so we could start our long drive down to San Diego. When I opened the door I discovered that the wood and glass had separated resulting in about an inch gap. No wonder the front room was freezing!! We patched it up the best we could before we left, called the landlord who said he would have it replaced before we returned from San Diego in about week. When we returned the front door had not been touched. When we called he said he was waiting for a carpenter to come out to see if it could be repaired!! The wood was rotted through and the glass bowled out!! He came over later that day and duck taped it! The carpenter/handyman who came out (he has been doing repairs for the landlord for years) just rolled his eyes and was immediately on the phone with the landlord telling him the door needed to be replaced immediately and then called him several times to ask him if he had made a decision yet on the door. The door was finally replaced in MARCH!

We have also had frequently problems with the plumbing. The plumber (the father of the carpenter) comes over about every six months for some problem or another, leaking faucets, backed up drains, broken faucets. Every time he comes he comments and mutters how the landlord needs to update the plumbing, that he can't just keep doing patch jobs. This old house still has lead pipes, they should have been replaced over 20 years ago. The plumber tells them that frequently, he has been their plumber for about 20 years. He told them that there will come a day when he cannot just do a patch job but will need to replace the pipes. That day came today.

Last night (Thursday night) Brigham gave the kids a bath and the water drained just fine. Two hours later when I took a shower, the water would not drain at all and the bathroom sink started draining into the tub as well. It took 2 hours for all the water to drain with some backwash from the sewer. The pipes are designed in such a way that the plumber cannot use a snake to get the problem and the trap is so old that it would not reseal if opened. So now I am not able to use the bathtub or shower until the pipes are replaced, which will hopefully be Saturday, that is, if the parts the plumber ordered come in.

So I spent this morning moving our things out of the basement into our backyard and front room. Brigham would have helped but he was taking a final and at the time the plumber said he just had to go pick up some parts and would have it fixed today otherwise I would not have been running up down stairs hauling heavy objects while pregnant. And when the plumber arrived with some parts (around 2pm), he told me it would take about 3 hours so I left with the kids (since the backyard and front room were full of stuff they had no place to play). Later when he realized he had to order some parts, he did not call me to inform that he could not start until tomorrow. So when I got back at 5pm, my house a disaster, the tub not fixed and no way to take a shower or give my dirty kids a bath, I was not happy. We ended up bathing the kids in the kitchen sink (which is not really a kitchen but a utility sink that has no disposal) and hoping the tub is fixed by tomorrow so Brigham and I can actually take a shower. The only good thing about this is that is forcing Brigham and me to clean out the basement which has been on our 'to do' list for months.

We do plan on moving and really, really, really want to move but we are not able to until August do to myriad reasons.

My Baby is 3

Yesterday was James's 3rd birthday. I cannot believe it has been 3 years since he born despite the fact that he has a little sister with another sibling on the way. Everyday he is growing and learning, in fact he had become quite a little talker (I worried, he spoke so little) who loves trains, airplanes, spaceships, and being outside. I love the fact that he called me Cassy and then Sweetheart before he called me Mommy. A few days ago he called me Sweetheart again for the first time in months, and I realized how much I liked him calling me Sweetheart. I love that he corrects me and tells me he is beautiful and not handsome. I love to hear him sing the alphabet song in whatever order he pleases. He is a joy to have around.

I did not do a fancy cake this year, Brigham made him a carrot cake from scratch that tasted delicious.
James was very excited to open his present, more trains and tracks to add to his set.

I don't know who like it more, James or his father. Brigham spent an hour building a rebuidling the track while James pushed his trains around.

I have to post at least one picture of Anna!

The happy Birthday Boy.

Easter Snowman

I was very surprised to wake up to snow on Easter morning. James and Anna, however, loved it and making a snowman with their daddy.

One day I will get both kids looking at the camera at the same time!

A few hours after making the snowman, all the snow had melted except the snowman. James, as usual is outside without shoes. He really should have been born in California or Hawaii, he will not keep shoes on his now matter the weather or how hard I try.

Both James and Anna felt that they needed to taste the snowman.

Easter

Brigham's grandfather always has a HUGE Easter egg hunt the day before Easter and I mean HUGE. This year there was probably 20-30 kids hunting from 1 year old to 18 years old all looking for about 300 eggs. At the end, they break open the plastic eggs dump them into huge bowls and then divide up the candy evenly. We came home with three paper lunch bags full of candy. James and Anna had a great time looking for eggs and playing with cousins.

James ready to go

Anna had so much fun finding eggs and putting them in her basket.

Despite the full, heavy basket Anna would not let me carry it for her.

This is just one bowl full of candy. There were two others just as big, just as full.

Brigham's grandfather yard has old playground equipment. That slide is the slide that Brigham's father played on. James and Anna love to play on this playground.

A Little Smug Justice

One of my biggest pet peeves about living in Utah is the complete lack of consideration drivers have towards pedestrians and the complete disregard they have towards traffic laws concerning pedestrians. If I can, I prefer to walk with the kids rather than drive especially to the library, the park, and to the store when I only need to pick up some milk. Each time I step out my door pushing my double stroller, I feel like I am taking my life and my children's lives in my hands just to cross the street. We live near a busy street in Provo, and when I cross the street I never know whether cars will stop for me or not.

The intersection where I cross this street does not have a marked cross walk, however, any intersection, marked or not, is a legal place for pedestrian to cross. I know this because twice a year Provo sends out a newsletter reminding people of traffic laws concerning cars and pedestrians. I think I must be the only person in Provo who reads this newsletter because I am constantly amazed by the things drivers do: they speed up and then slam on their brakes and make nasty faces at me, they change lanes so they will not have to stop, and if a car does stop other cars will just go around them without slowing down, as well driving about 50 mph on 35 mph rode. And just so you know changing lanes when a pedestrian is crossing the street and not stopping, and especially going around a car that is stop for a pedestrian, is a traffic violation.

Well, yesterday I finally got some just justice for all the times I have cars callously ignore me and endangered my children's lives by not obeying the traffic laws. As I was waiting for traffic to pass before crossing the street, a police car in the right lane stopped for me. I started to cross but as I did so I notice the car coming up behind the stopped police car starting to accelerate and change lanes into the left. I had to stop in the middle of the street until she passed to continue across (the cars coming from the opposite direction had already stopped for me). As I reached the other side of the street, I heard the policeman gun his engine. I turned to look and saw him speeding up to pull over the car that had failed to stop. I felt just a little bit smug that someone was finally being given a ticket because they failed to stop for me and children.