Total Want of Talent

I usually reread "Pride and Prejudice" every summer but this year I decided to reread "Sense and Sensibility" instead. While it is not as well written as P&P or Persuasion, it is an enjoyable book. As I read this book again, I keep noticing all the references Austen makes to talent. Lady Middleton and her husband, Sir John, are described as having a "total want of talent" and other characters are also characterized by their lack of talent. Austen implies that "want of talent" makes one insipid (this is especially true about Lady Middleton), and inferior to the two main characters Marianne and Elinor. But I wander what Austen means by talent? Are Marianne and Elinor talented because they enjoy music, paining, reading, and intellectual conversation? Is Lady Middleton insipid because she enjoys keeping a nice home and caring for her children? Or is it that Lady Middleton is only concern with keeping house and rearing children and idles away her free time instead of improving herself? With the exception of Edward Ferrars and Col. Brandon (who naturally as the worthy matches to the Misses Dashwood) all the other characters in the story show a total want of talent that is characterized by the lack of inner resources and their dependence upon society for entertainment and enjoyment.

But what it is talent? Oxford English Dictionary (I love that it gives the etymology of a word!) defines it as: 1. an inclination, propension, or disposition for anything; 2. a mental endowment; natural ability; 3. mental powers of superior order; 4. special natural ability or aptitude, an accomplishment.

I think I wander about talent because I have always been at a loss of what my talents (if I indeed have any) are. It has always seemed to me that talent is an external accomplishment, something that can be displayed, like playing an instrument, singing, painting, drawing, designing...in other creating something. I do not have any of those talents. I cook well but that is because I can follow a recipe. I enjoy reading but should I consider that a talent just because I can read or because I enjoy it. While I still search for what my talents are, I flatter myself that at least in Jane Austen's world I would not fall into the class of "total want of talent" since do not lack in inner resources and do not rely upon society for entertainment.

New definition of talent: inner resources that does not make one a the mercy of society for enjoyment and entertainment.

Almost Just a Housewife

In about four weeks I will become 'just a housewife.' I am not sure how I feel about this change. I am going to miss my job especially since I finally have a job that I love and that actually uses my degrees. Yes, I am looking forward to staying home with my son and there are many other good reasons for staying home which is why my husband and I made that decision. But despite the good reasons, sometimes I feel like I am staying home to placate my husband because he does not like me working (that really had nothing to do with the ultimate decision but it feels that way at times). Since he is in law school, I have been the sole provider for our family, so quitting and relying on him to be able to go to school and work part-time has been hard for me to accept (granted his part-time job has better benefits than my full-time job and he makes almost as much).

I know that my people would quibble with my phrase, 'just a housewife.' I quibble with it, that is why I put in apostrophes but as I am on the verge of entering the ranks of housewives, that is what I feel I will become.

Don't get me wrong, I have great respect for housewives. My mother was a housewife and there was nothing 'just' about it. She was amazing in everything she did and work so much harder and longer than anyone I knew and she still found time to devote to her interests and developed her many talents. I have two close friends who are housewives and they are amazing and talented. Despite these good role models, I feel like I will be 'just a housewife' or 'just a stay-at-home mom.' I have tried to think of why I feel that way, why I who have so many interests (that are sadly neglected in the balancing act between work and family) should be 'just' a housewife. One reason is that in the grueling years I have devoted to school and work I have let a lot of my interests and talents slide into non-existence. The other reason is that I feel trapped. I don't understand this. I worked as a nanny through grad school and loved it! so why do I feel trapped now that I will be staying home to care for my own child? I have analysed further:

• we only have one car and twice a week my husband will take it to go to work 30 miles away.
• we haven't found any babysitters besides my two sisters-in-law who live nearby but they have work, school and lives of their own.
• my husband is very reluctant to leave our son with someone who is not family (he is even reluctant to leave him with family including our two mothers who between them have raised 16 children, I think they know what they are doing!!!)

So I am going to chronicle what my life is like as I learn to be more than just a housewife and to enjoy it. Especially after January when I temporarily become an only parent while my husband is deployed with his National Guard unit.