Picture of Happiness

The last few months have been challenging for me: Brigham came home, we spent three months in Kentucky and then traveling around, our budget has been tight, and worries about whether work would be available for Brigham when we returned to Utah. The hardest challenge, much harder than I ever expected, was adjusting to Brigham being home. I am so happy he is home and James and Anna adore their father. I would love to take a picture to capture their excitement when he walks through the door after work; James drops whatever he is doing and shouts "Daddy!" and Anna starts crawling as fast as she can to him. The challenge has been to realize that I am no longer a "temporarily single mother." The temporary part has ended and that is good but I have mourned the loss of one aspect of Brigham's deployment: "me" time. I had ample time to myself to read, to watch movies, to work on projects. With Brigham gone there was also less house work to do, less laundry, less dirty dishes (I cook more elaborate meals for Brigham), less clutter. I had a schedule worked out, I stuck to it, and the kids very rarely got to bed late and I had 2-3 hours of "me" time. every night. But now, there is an abbreviated version of the schedule, the kids rarely get to bed on time and I have maybe 20 minutes to myself while Brigham showers.



That lack of "me" time has taken its toll. I need more time to myself than 20 minutes (especially since those 20 minutes are usually taken finishes last minute chores). I need more time to unwind and relax. Part of the problem is that Brigham does not understand the need for "me" time. It is a completely foreign concept to him. As one of 13 children, he was very rarely alone. He only had a room to himself for 2 semesters at school, other than that he has always shared a room with at least one other person but he is used to sharing a room with 5 brothers and a few cousins. I had my own room for most of the time I was growing up and was used to spending hours by myself in it. James and Anna do take about a 2 hour nap in the afternoon but that is when I work out and start the dinner preparations: it is so much easier to prepare dinner without two kids constantly tugging at me or refereeing because James' favorite game, currently, is pushing Anna down when she tries to stand or walk. But I think I have found the solution: I get with Brigham at 6:30 am (he leaves for work at 7) then I have an hour or more to myself until the kids wake up around 8.

It is now 840 in the morning, the kids are still asleep (I need to wake them up otherwise they won't take a nap) and I feel more relaxed having an hour or so to myself.

I got some more pictures from my friend, the wonderful photographer, Amy. This picture is my all time favorite of Brigham and I. It reminded me, despite the challenges we face in our marriage, we are happy.