Food for Thought, part I

Over the last four years, the way I cook and eat has changed. If I were to do just a straight comparison of what I ate in September of 2005 (that was the month of the chocolate fast concluded with the chocolate feast) and September of 2009, it would seem like a dramatic change but really it was a gradual change over four years.

Four years ago I mostly ate what was quick and easy. I tried to eat healthy with fruit, vegetables, and whole grains but between full time work and planning a wedding, I wanted quick meals. Due to that I ate out at least 3-5 times a week. My sister (who was my roommate at the time) and I did better in the cooking department when we actually planned out a weekly menu and especially when we used the slow cooker. We were both starving by the time we got home from work (we worked at the same place as well) . Today I spend on average 2-3 hours a day preparing and cooking food (some days it is less, some days it is more), I make almost everything from scratch and we rarely eat out. What caused the change? Three reasons: marriage, knowledge, and kids. First Marriage.

Marrying Brigham brought about the biggest change in how I cook and eat. In terms of food, Brigham and I come from two very different cultures. My mother is a wonderful cook and always made delicious food, I would even say gourmet food. But I also come from a family where meat, chicken, or fish was always the main course. I cannot recall ever having a meatless dinner at home; I think my father would have had a heart attack if meat of some type did not grace his dinner plate. We usually had fresh fruits and vegetables in the house and dinner always included at least one side of vegetables. When I left home to go to college I cut down on the amount of meat I ate mostly out of economic necessity and then out of preference. Since my mother was a good cook, I found pleasure in cooking and consuming good food. I like to experiment with new recipes, try new cuisines, and have an extensive spice collection.

Brigham, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where food was a necessity but did not have to be pleasurable-- it just needed to be edible and filling. Since he is one of thirteen children, this attitude is understandable. His mother did not have time nor the resources to devote to preparing food. His family made their own bread, it was the main staple (his dad told me that when all the kids were still at home they went through a ton of wheat in year and I mean a literal ton, 2000 pounds, of wheat); they had their own cow and made their own yogurt, ice cream and cheese; they ate a lot of soups because they were so filling (hence why Brigham prefers soups); fruits and vegetables were only fresh when they grew them or got them from a family member's garden and they canned extensively (and I mean extensively, 400 quarts each of peaches, tomatoes, and applesauce one canning season and that only to lasted 1 year); and they did not eat much meat and if they did have meat, they usually raised it themselves. Because of the way that Brigham ate growing up, he prefers lots of carbohydrates, preferably in the form of homemade bread (he hates store bought bread), soups, not much meat and not a lot of sugar (that is also for health reasons for his heart).

After our marriage, both Brigham and I, went through food culture shock. Before our marriage I had never been confronted with another's food culture. Yes, I had many roommates but what we ate and how we ate was our own business and usually did not coincide since we did not share food as extensively as is common in marriage. To say the merging of our two food cultures was contentious would be an understatement. What satisfied me did not satisfy him and neither of us could understand how they other was not satisfied by other's food preferences. And some foods that the other eats we just found strange. For example, bread and milk. This is bread crumbled up in a bowl with milk poured over it (it can be topped with jam or honey). I find it completely gross but I really don't like cereal with milk either. Brigham loves it. I cannot think of any food I eat that Brigham might find strange probably because he is too polite to mention it whereas I could not hide my disgust of bread and milk the first time I had it at his parent's house. I was also taken back by how ecstatic he and all his siblings were to have bread and milk for dinner. It was like they were being allowed a special treat for dinner, apparently it is everyone's favorite.

We also faced differences over food culture etiquette. In my family, if you were hungry, you went into the kitchen and fixed a snack. With a few restriction (usually just making sure something was not intended for dinner) we could eat whatever was in the kitchen. If a sibling or parent happened into the kitchen while preparing the snack, and they wanted some too, they would just ask the preparer to make a few for them as well. In Brigham's family, no one just helped themselves to a snack. If they were hungry, they had to ask if they could have a snack (it makes sense, it would not be prudent to allow a dozen or so kids have free reign over the food) and if they were making a snack they would also ask everyone else if they wanted some as well. So when we got married, if I was hungry, I just made myself something to eat and I usually did not ask Brigham if he wanted some. He knew I was fixing something. In my mind if he wanted some he would ask, after all that is how it worked in my family. If Brigham was hungry, he would ask me if he could eat something, I would say yes, then he would ask if I wanted some. If I said yes, he would make it, if I said no, he would just sit or stand looking hurt. He could not have a snack if I was not. After much discussion (often times loud) we came to agree that if I am making a snack I ask Brigham if he would like some as well, and if Brigham wants a snack he does not have to ask my permission and that he can have a snack even if I do not want one. This has worked well although he still does ask for my permission. However, this difference in food etiquette does still cause issues when we visit each other's families but I won't go into that now.

Over the years, I have learned to cook in a way to does satisfy both of us. In addition to making my own bread (Brigham did make it but he does not have time now that school has started), I make and can homemade jam and applesauce, and can tomatoes from the garden among other things. Brigham has learned to eat more vegetables and I have learned how to cook a lot of soups. So far it seems to be working although he always requests that I half the sugar whenever I make something that is even remotely sweet and he makes himself bread and milk at least once a week. I never take him up on his invitation to make me some as well. I still find it extremely gross.

Part II, of Food for Thought, Knowledge, will follow when within a few days.