Sunday, December 7, 2008
Alone
Being alone has never really bothered me, I actually like it, especially when my children are asleep. And I can handle loneliness, or so I thought. But there is nothing more lonely then packing a box to mail with a Christmas present to mail to my husband because he will not be with me on Christmas, or my birthday four days before Christmas or our anniversary three days after Christmas. At least when my daughter was born he was on the phone with me. But to think of spending those three days without him... Oh, we will talk on the phone but it is not the same. And I know that it will be worse for him. I at least have the children to hug and play with while he has an M-16 in a country far far away and then I think of everything that he has missed: our sons first steps, his first birthday, watching him grow and learn everyday, physically being there for the birth of our daughter, not holding her until she was three weeks old and not being able to hold her again until she will be six months old. I could go on but it makes me cry.
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2 comments:
Oh Cassandra. I look at you, and just am aw inspired. I complain about what I have to do, and I have my husband here with me. Of course, my load of kids is a little bigger, but you appear to be so well put together and are doing everything that I do with help (sometimes) from my husband, you do it ALL by yourself. I often think of you and your circumstances and just think that you must be AN AMAZING WOMAN to sacrifice time with your husband so that he can serve his country. I'm sure you will be BLESSED, if not now, sometime in the future, but the blessings WILL COME. Thanks for your example. If you ever feel ALONE, I know I'm not the same as your husband but you're always welcome to come over or give me a call to help you get past the lonliness.
Sometimes I think the only reason I survive is that both James and Anna are exceptionally good sleepers so I get a few hours each day to recoup and pull myself together. It also helps that Brigham can call me almost every day. When I get back from California we should get together. With the cold weather James, Ethan and Thomas will need playmates to get their engery out!
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